I was dismissed with the decree no. 672. I applied for many human rights organizations but couldn’t receive any feedback. I think in order to get an answer I should be someone tortured in gas chambers or a Syrian refugee. I am afraid that the whole country will turn into Syria. While we are feeling sad about the refugees, we will become like them. The Minister says that “they will beg us to kill them”. Every day we hear news about torture but no one gives us any support. When we begin to be shredded like wooden chips, they may utter a word.

Could you talk about yourself a little bit? Who are you? Where did you work? Do you have children?

I was an officer in one of the ministries. I graduated from a good school. I don’t have a child. I am supported by my family now, but when I think about credit card debt, house rent, how long can I keep it up in this way? When you think about the families with children, my problems are smaller but at the end of the day, what I have been exposed to is totally unfair. I have no idea about my future. At the moment, both my diploma and my life have gone to waste. I’m faced with an accusation which has no legality. I feel like living in a Kafka novel.

I was suspended 15 days after the coup attempt. The ministerial consent date on the notice is 18 July. It is a clear evidence of profiling. My chief seemed not to know anything. No reason could be given for my dismissal. The ones who called me to say sorry for what has happened are not calling anymore as they are scared after the case was published in the official gazette. One of my close friends, who is a judge, didn’t even write an answer to my question as he was scared.

Many don’t know about my situation. I haven’t told anybody yet. I keep this incident as a secret from everyone. I do a Master’s degree in Ankara. To make sure no one hears about my experiences, I haven’t returned to my town. I don’t know how long it will continue in this way. I have started the procedure to recall to the bar. I don’t know how to explain I was dismissed from civil service.

Also, the Ministry asked the bars to investigate whether or not we were dismissed because of ‘FETÖ’. I don’t know whether or not I will be able to work as a lawyer. I’m on a shaky ground. Whenever the doorbell rings, I worry if it is the police or not. My whole world turned upside down because of someone’s personal interests and hostility. The decision made by the Constitutional Court made everything worse. Denouncement is at such a high level. We are keeping this incident even from my sibling’s friends so that his work is not affected negatively.

I think, as times go, we will become refugees. Everything we didn’t believe would happen before are happening now. By the way, I have no connection with any community (cemaat). They accepted my donations to an association as evidence. Also, it is not a crime to have a connection with a community (cemaat).

What will you do?

I’m so confused. I don’t have any experience in any other profession. I put a strain on my family’s budget. I will try to work as a lawyer. If it doesn’t work, I don’t know what to do. If I could afford, I would go abroad. I have no saving.

I may work as a waiter. Even if it is my family, I never like looking up to somebody to sustain my life. Damn those who caused these injustices to happen! What I have told you may not be so striking. My previous interview was not published. Still, I have told the truth. I’m a bit ashamed to rant about my situation while there are people who are having worse unjust treatments. Mine is only an upside down life, like all others…

I have no other plan if I cannot work as a lawyer. I think I will hang my diploma on the wall and live with my family. Unfortunately, I have no savings. My family supports me now. I haven’t moved from my house as I may work as a lawyer. How long can my father manage? The winter is coming; we will start to use heating.

What do you think will happen? How long will all this go on? Do you see a way out?

I have no expectations from anything anymore. Everything is so uncertain. It may even become much worse. I’m afraid the country is turning into Syria. To give orders at his sweet will must be enjoyable; why would he stop?

I’m upset with hearing about suicides. Life is already difficult; they have made it more difficult. If I didn’t have any belief, I would have gone, too. Turkey is like hell now.

Hizmet Watch withholds data to protect the privacy of individuals and victims’ identities that would otherwise put the person in danger.